Visiting Mom
by KaSchnapples
Summary: Rose is off visiting her mom or is she........ Oneshot no longer!
1. Where's Rose?

**LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA!!!!! Uh sorry you caught me at the wrong time... I was at my happy place! EDWARD CULLEN WAS THERE AND SO WAS DIMITRI AND ADRIAN!!!Yeah it's a _REAL_ happy place. I own nothing at all now read it!!**

It was nearing the end of the day when Adrian caught up to Lissa and Christian.

"Hey guys. Do you know where Rose is?" he asked.

Adrian was about to confess his undying love for her and take her to Vegas to elope.

"She's visiting her mom for a week," Lissa said.

While she said this she was wishing Rose was here so she could ask her why Christian won't have sex.

"Thank god for that," Christian said.

But inside he actually missed Rose. Who was he going to fight with now?

"Oh," Adrian said.

He damned Rose's mom to the flaming pits of Hades for ruining his plans.

Then a figure walked up to the group.

"GUARDIAN HATHAWAY!" they screamed in unison.

Janine Hathaway, Rose's mom, stood in front of them with a puzzled expression.

"I thought Rose was visiting you!" Lissa yelled.

She was pissed Rose lied to her. When she gets back she'll be faced with World War III.

"No, I've been here for four days," Janine said.

She was suddenly worried about her daughter's whereabouts.

"Then where's Rose?" Adrian asked.

**In some hotel in Missoula**

"OH DIMITRI!"

**Visiting mom, eh? You like it? Review. You don't like it? Revie**w.


	2. Facing Lissa

**All right!! Since so many people wanted me to continue, I will!! I don't own anything.......though I would LOVE to own Dimitri or Adrian for a night!!!**

Rose walked towards her dorm, lost in her happiness.

The week was the most amazingly sexy week of her life. Nothing else mattered. She felt lucky.

But then _they_ saw her.

"**ROSE!"**

SHIT!!

"Where the hell were you?" Lissa demanded. When Rose opened her mouth Lissa spoke again.

"Don't you fucking dare to tell me you were visiting your mom! She was here last week!"

Wow. It never occurred to Rose that Janine would come on a surprise visit. What should she say now?!

"Uhhhhh...." she muttered, still trying to think of an excuse.

"Well?" Lissa was starting to be a real bitch!

"I.........led a group of midgets to take over Nicaragua!"

Lissa was not impressed.

But before she could react Rose ran for her fucking life.

If she only knew who was waiting for her in her room.

**Other side of the Academy**

Finally. Dimitri actually slept with Rose. Oh he was happy now. He was coming up with thousands of different ways to get it on with Rose when a voice broke through his little fantasies.

"Dimka!"

Oh. My. Damn.

NOT TASHA!!

NOT NOW!!

"God, please let me live to fuck Rose one more time. I beg of you!" Dimitri muttered under his breath.

He turned around to face his doom.

**Sorry it's short but I just whipped it up. There will be more very soon but who do want to be in Rose's room: A) Christian B) Janine C) Adrian All right get reviewing! Oh and Rose's excuse is something my brother said and I thought I put it in there. Sorry if I offend anyone! If I do tell me immediately. **


	3. Facing Tasha

**I've been slow at updating for my other stories but chapter 3 of Wounds got lost and is in being redone. I'm almost finished with the next chapter of Vampire Academy story. I don't own a thing.**

Tasha strolled up to Dimitri wanting to rip off his clothes not knowing someone already had.

"So Dimka……" she purred. _I want a piece of that_, she thought. Tasha licked her lips. She's on the prowl.

Dimitri gulped hard, uncomfortable to beyond belief.

Of course Tasha, being the skank she is, thought he was turned on.

"Wanna go for a ride cowboy?" she whispered seductively in his ear.

_What did I ever do you?_ Dimitri thought, glaring up at the sky.

Then Tasha did the unthinkable. She grabbed his ass.

Dimitri yelped and choked out, "I GOTTA GO POTTY!!!!!!!!!!"

He ran out of there like a bat out of hell.

**In Rose's Room**

Rose was pacing around in her room trying to plan out her next confrontation with Lissa.

So far she had………nothing.

"Great," she muttered.

Then she felt like she wasn't alone.

_I feel like something's watching me and it's the money I could be saving by switching to Geico_, she thought.

Suddenly there was a movement in the shadows! And pathetic sobbing. Then the figure stepped out into her view.

"Rose, how c-could you leave meeeeeeeeee!"

The sobbing increased.

Rose stared in disbelief.

"_CHRISTIAN?_"

**CLIFFHANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm such a bitch aren't I? If you want more chapters soon review!!**


	4. Facing Christian

**HEY PEOPLE!!!!!!!! I've been silent for awhile but it's because of all the update soons!! Please don't click the review button to just tell me to update soon. It just makes me stressed out thinking I have to do it or someone is going to stalk me down and kill me. When I'm stressed I just sit and just worry. Don't make me do this. I beg of you!!! Vampire Academy THE MUSICAL chapter 3 is in the progress of being typed. As for Wounds.....I've got writer's block. SORRY!!! It'll be awhile until I update that one but I am continuing it!! And for anyone who's reading this and is a Vampire Knight fan, I have news for you! I will be putting a story that is a series of oneshots for my favorite pairing (which will remain secret) since I have a new obsession with Vampire Knight. Now that I'm done with my babbling let's get to the story!!**

Christian stood there with tears running down his face. WHAT THE FUCK!?!?

"What the hell did you smoke Fire Crotch?" Rose asked, hoping something hit him in the head and he was just having some problems.

_That better be it_, she thought, cursing the Big Guy who put this on her.

Christian wrapped his arms around Rose, pulling into a big bear hug and swinging her around the room.

"THANK GOD YOU'RE BACK! NEVER LEAVE ME AGAIN ROSIE-POO!!" Christian shouted, glad his nemesis had returned.

"Christian! Put me down mother fucker!"

Then he realized what he was doing.

"Shit!" he mumbled and dropped Rose on the ground. She groaned at the impact.

Christian backed away and blushing like a pansy.

"Um Rose? Could you forget this ever happened?" he practically begged. People could _not_ find out about this.

"Gladly," Rose answered hiding in a corner, far, far away from Fire Crotch.

"THANK YOU!" he shouted gleefully, jumping up and down.

_But I will tell people about that_, Rose thought while secretly filming him.

Christian stopped and opened the door. On his way out he called over his shoulder, "NEVER call me Fire Crotch AGAIN!!"

No chance in hell Fire Crotch. No chance in hell.

**Dimitri's Room**

Dimitri made it to his room before slutzilla could find him again.

_SWEET SWEET VICTORY YEAH! _Dimitri sung that over and over but when he got into the room he stopped.

When he took a step in the lights flicked on. A figure was standing by the light switch.

"So Belikov. Where'd you go with my daughter last week?"

"AH GOD DAMMIT!"

**DIMITRI!!!!!!!! GOD'S LAST NAME IS NOT DAMMIT!! I gave you another cliffy. Who's a bitch? I'm a bitch! Oh did anyone see X-Men Origins: Wolverine or at least the previews? I don't know about you but I think Gambit is THE perfect Dimitri! Forget Ben Barnes! I want Taylor Kitsch!! DO YOU AGREE?**


	5. Facing Janine

**I'm BAAAAAAAAAAACKKKK!!! Well sorta! I'm typing this at my friends house because she read it and forced me to write the next chapter. I've been busy writing the 3****rd**** chapter for Wounds which will be Chapter 2 in Dimitri's POV. A little writer's block so DPOV is going to happen. Vampire Academy The Musical chapter 3 is on the way. I just I have finish Dimitri's POV and type. The chapter's long so it might take awhile! Well I disclaim everything but the plot. Now let's have some good ole pissed-off-mom-beating –the-crap-of-twenty-four-year-old-Russian-mentor-for-sleeping –with- her-seventeen-old-daughter-who's-his-student!!! YAHOOTIE!!!!!**

Dimitri was frozen. How could he not be? He was looking at the face of pure evil.

Well that's not true. Barney is the face of pure evil but Janine is still pretty damn scary.

"Well Belikov! FUCKING TELL ME YOU PIECE OF RUSSIAN SHIT!" Janine was pissed. He was banging Rose! She knew it for a fact!

Rose truly was a whore. Sleeping with her mentor. She should tattoo "I'm easy!" on her forehead!

_To think I felt concern for that tramp!_ Janine thought.

"Well I….. uh…… brought her to a Barney concert?" Dimitri said weakly. This just was not his day!

"Screw that crap! Now tell me the fucking truth!" Janine shrieked. She was not in the mood for this.

"ALRIGHT! I'M TERRIFIED OF BARNEY OKAY! PLEASE DON'T MAKE ME WATCH THAT SCARY PURPLE DINOSAUR!!!" He was practically sobbing now.

_I don't wanna see Barney!!_ Dimitri whimpered in his mind. _Not since my fifth birthday…_

Janine stood there, mouth hanging to the floor. Did he seriously say that? Did Dimitri Belikov say he was afraid of Barney? What the hell?!?!

Dimitri took her confusion as a chance to escape. _Ninja time_, he thought.

St+ealthily he tiptoed to the window and quietly opened the window. Then his head smacked against it.

"AHHHH!! MOTHER FUCKER!!! *string of Russian swears*"

Janine was immediately back in action. Noticing this, Dimitri leaped out the window.

"BELIKOV!!!!"

He would hear that in his nightmares tonight along with _I love you, you love me….. _

**Behind the Commons**__

Rose was laughing her head off while just standing in the back of the commons. She posted the video of Christian on YouTube and it already has a million hits!

_He's an internet sensation_, she thought.

She was too busy amusing herself with her evil doings that she didn't smell it.

"Ohhhhhhhh Little Dhampir!"

Wow this sucks.

**WOO!! It's done!! SO I want you to review as you know. I also wanted to say to those who also read Twilight. Carlisle is 23 but we imagine looking older. Dimitri is 24 but we imagine him looking younger. Just a thought. Also I might write a story about Dimitri's fifth birthday. I know you're weondering what the fuck made him afraid of Barney. I KNOW IT! **


	6. Facing Adrian

**KaSchnapples: Sadly this story will end soon. Next chapter will probably be the last.**

**Tamaki: Wow how could you?!?! You're so inconsiderate!!**

**KaSchnapples: WTF?!?! Why are you here??**

**Tamaki: Well I read our first convo and you told Ikuto he could go to any story he wanted since you didn't have a Shugo Chara fanfic but you forgot you don't have an Ouran High School Host Club fanfic so therefore I can talk wherever I desire.**

**KaSchnapples: Oh. Well that's true-oh shit!! **

**Tamaki: What?**

**KaSchnapples: NOW YOU CAN TALK IN ANY STORY YOU WANT!!! GOD NO!!!**

**Tamaki: *goes into emo corner***

**Dimitri: Another one who goes into a corner? Liz-chan does not own Vampire Academy.**

Maybe I shouldn't have gone behind the commons. I forgot Adrian hangs.

What does he do here anyway?

_Probably masturbating_, Rose thought with a snicker.

Adrian stared adoringly at Rose. Her curves were being showed of by her tight clothes.

_Boing!_

Uh oh. BONER ALERT!! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I REPEAT BONER ALERT!

Rose felt to arms snake around her waist and Adrian brought her back to his chest.

She felt something weird.

"Adrian..."

"Hm?"

"Do you have a drum stick in your pocket 'cause it's poking me in the back."

Adrian smirked and, "No but it's something I guarantee you'll enjoy."

Rose became giddy. "Oh a present? Gimme!!"

He escaped his hold and stared at Adrian expectantly.

Then everything froze as Adrian started to pull down his pants.

"What...The...Fu-?!?!"

That's all Rose got out before Adrian Jr. came out for some air.

Adrian smiled. No woman was disappointed when he busted out his business. _No one._

Rose twitched as she stared at the huge thing. Then it clicked.

And she ran.

She could faintly hear Adrian yell, "WAIT ROSE!!! YOU NEED TO GET USED TO THIS IF WE'RE GONNA ELOPE!!"

She fled into the woods.

**With Dimitri**

Oh God. Oh God.

Dimitri had to get out of the academy and fast.

He tried to figure out how long it would take him to run to Russia but he realized a flaw.

The Pacific Ocean.

Damn. No easy escape.

Dimitri just made a mad dash into the woods.

Hopefully Janine couldn't smell his fear just like a certain purple dinosaur.

**KaSchnapples: Awww. Poor Rose and Dimitri.**

**Dimitri: That was sorta messed up.**

**KaSchnapples: I have a messed up mind.**

**Dimitri: Okay...*backs away slowly***

**KaSchnapples: Well in this part of the chapter I will be responding to reviews for Chapter 5**

**REVIW REPLIES**

**julia:): I never thought it be that funny but I'm damn glad it is! Don't worry updating is speeding up little by little.**

**casully try: Thank you! Uh oh. Be careful! Mommy dearest might send you to the funny farm! But then again you can see those nice young men in the white lab coats. Wow I gotta stop quoting songs!**

**Rosefur: Pugs and Barney don't mix. Trust me. My pug found my old Barney toy and barked at it until I threw it away. I'm gonna write about Dimitri's fifth b-day. Don't want to leave you wondering why the badass Russian is terrified of Barney!**

**Vampire-Chick91: It's nice to know you enjoy it! I'm glad to know you get a good laugh at this! BTW nice username!!**

**I know stuff.: You know stuff? That's great 'cause I don't! I'm not sure if I should take that in a good way or a bad way. Well since insane can go any I'll take it as a compliment! I work hard for insanity! 'Cause I don't suffer from it. I enjoy it!**

**Thriving On Eternal Chaos: You're Rolling On The Floor Laughing Your Ass Off? VICTORY!!**

**featheroo: Anything can happen next...*que creepy music***

**Vampir Liebhaber: I know! Hot curvy woman have no effect on him when Barney's there. If Barney showed up when he was with Rose he'd shit his pants!**

**RoseBud024: Don't worry I'm working on it. I won't leave you hanging. Join the club. Barney scares the crap outta me too!**

**Hazelholly: Why thank you! Amusement is always good!**

**PandasRGOTHPolarBears: It's something Dimitri doesn't like to talk about. Thank you! Oh and I agree with your name. Pandas are so goth polar bears! Username=Epic Win *high fives***

**hyperactive-chickidee: I will keep writing! It comes to me when I'm bored.**

**halodevil: Maybe it'll be a flash back...But maybe it won't. Thanks! **

**7andthefluff: I strife for the unusual. And it seems successful! I'm gonna write about his fifth b-day no doubt about it!**

**Rainbowbrite: It's funny how first you call me bro then I'm getting called gurl! It amused me. I'm slaving away on a hot (it's on fire!! jk) keyboard!**

**.: You're damn right he's scared of Barney! If not then this story would crumble. Well in my mind anyway.**

**Randomitis Sufferer: YES I HAVE A WINNER!! Oh yeah it tops them all! WOO HOO!! **

**VAcrazy13: Yes Barney. Seriously. It's strangely fitting. Thank you dear!**

**  
KaSchnapples: Now this review was for Chapter free but it made me laugh my ass off so I HAVE to put here for you all to see.**

**jane.****  
****2009-05-09 . chapter 3**

**I can just imagine the hottest fictional russian screamming that he needs to go potty!**

lol  
I love it!

cheers :)  
janee

**KaSchnapples: God this review made my day! **

**Adrian: I interrupt Liz-chan with an embarrassing story from Belikov's past! Now presenting...**

**DIMITRI'S FIFTH BIRTHDAY!**

Finally! It was my fifth birthday! It's gonna be the best day ever!

My party had a Barney theme. I worshipped that dinosaur.

Everyone showed up. All my friends and family. (Well except my dad. So no one there would smash my mom's face in!)

I played on the moon bounce, danced to songs from Barney's show. I eyed the present table. The presents were all so colorful and shiny. I asked for everything Barney and nothing else.

When it was time to cut the cake I looked for Mom. I couldn't find her.

I raced into the house and opened her bedroom door. What I saw confused me at first.

It seemed my mom was wrestling naked with another naked person.

Then I remembered. This is what grown ups called sex. It's how babies were made.

"Dimitri?!?!" my mom shouted in surprise. Then the other person did something and Mom made a weird noise.

Naked Person had a huge head. It looked deformed. Then they looked straight at me.

"BARNEY?!?!"

**Back To The Present In Hotel Room In Missoula (A week before this chapter)**

"Then I ran out of the room and destroyed anything with Barney on it which was pretty much everything," Dimitri whimpered as Rose held him.

"Don't worry Dimitri. Just forget about." Rose said soothingly.

"But I can't Roza."

"Why not?"

"BECAUSE IT"S BURNED IN MY MIND!"

"You poor baby! Is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

Dimitri looked at Rose and yelled, " FUCK ME LIKE THERE'S NO TOMORROW!"

Rose happily helped him cope.

"OH DIMITRI!"

Dimitri barely thought about Barney that week after Rose's therapy. Of course he said he needed a session each day.

**KaSchnapples: Well there it is! Dimitri's dreaded fifth b-day! Now be good little readers and review.**


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